The following is an excerpt from my soon-to-be released novelette entitled “Finding Anna”. A daughter finds herself abandoned by her own mother and courses through life under the shadows of self-doubt, abuse and rebellion.

"Finding Anna" will be released on December 24th. If you wish to contact the Author, please feel free to leave a note in the comments section or email to tklleone@gmail.com. For more of her short stories, musings and thought-provoking articles, you can visit Tumblr.

***

I don’t know what made Anna decide to terminate the old lady from her job as my nanny. Did she find out about the abuse? I guess that is a question I will never find the answer to. All I know is that Anna picked me up one day and brought me to the city. She said it was a special day because it was my birthday.

“What’s a birthday, Mama?” I asked as I hopped and walked to fall into step with her. Geez, she had such long legs I could barely keep up, she held on to my right hand and almost dragged me as she strode along.

“It’s the anniversary of the day you were born,” she replied.

“How was I born?” I asked again.

“I gave birth to you. You grew inside my stomach and when you became big and heavy enough for my stomach to contain, I had to find a midwife to help you out,” she explained.

I stared straight ahead as we traversed a rocky, dusty, sun-dried road and mulled over what she said. So, that’s the reason why one of Lola’s neighbors had such big tummy, there was a child growing inside!

“Is that how people are born?”

“Yes, first they grow in their mothers’ tummies and then they are pushed out and become babies. And then they grow up because they eat vegetables. You are six now, but look at you, you’re so skinny and small. You should start eating more vegetables.”

I still hated vegetables. And being six didn’t mean much to me.

“What’s a midwife?” I asked again, hoping that my question would distract her from remembering to feed me vegetables tonight.

She briefly explained what a midwife is and it sounded like a profession that I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with. I abhorred any job that required looking or holding blood, human parts and human waste that was why whenever Anna would say, “You will be one of the finest nurses this country will ever produce,” I’d stomp my feet, cross my arms on my chest, pout and say, “But I want to be a teacher!”

After what seemed like an eternity of walking, we finally reached the end of the rocky road and stood on the side of a paved highway. Anna waved her right arm to flag down passing utility vehicles. Judging from the way the sun was shining, it was mid-morning and judging from Anna’s attire which consisted of denim jeans, a white sleeveless top and sneakers, it looked like we were on our way to the city.

“Where are we going, Mama?”

“We are going to see your Godfather. And then we are going to visit the Grotto. Happy birthday, Darling,” she replied as she stopped walking to scoop me up in her arms and kiss my cheek.

            My Godfather owned a shop in the city. I don’t exactly know what the shop’s services offered but there were racks and racks of television sets. We didn’t have a TV at Anna’s nor did Lola’s family have one. All Lola had was an old red transistor radio that boomed overhead every night before everyone fell asleep. Lola would hush us to settle down after dinner and she would switch on the radio just in time for a radio play I have come to learn as “Si Matar”. The radio would crackle and hiss every night and I barely understood what the voices were saying, but what stuck with me was the eerie sound one of the characters made. I would crawl under my blankets and try to shut the noise out, I feared Si Matar. It sounded like a horror program.

Visiting my Godfather was a treat, he would give me money, candies and he would allow me to sit in front of one of the big TV sets and watch whatever program was on. He was a fair-skinned man, to my recollection, who had a mustache, straight cropped hair, a thin frame that was always slouched on his chair. He was always working on television parts, his table was always laden with screws, black boxes with circuits, tools and wires. I loved my Godfather for his kindness and even though I didn’t get to see him often, I knew that he cared for me and Anna.

“How is… Uhm… Frank?” I overheard him ask Anna.

“Who can tell? He hasn’t written in months. He hasn’t sent any money. I went back to work.” Anna replied with a sigh.

“At the club?” Godfather momentarily looked up from what he was doing to direct his question at Anna. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead and trickled on the side of his jaw. Anna was fanning herself with a piece of cardboard she had seen lying around. The air was humid, thick and heavy and Godfather’s employees were predicting a heavy downpour soon.

“It’s the only job I will probably ever be good at,” Anna laughed in between words, revealing a perfectly white set of teeth and thin lines on her forehead. She can work here, I thought to myself, and then I can watch TV everyday.

My Godfather clucked his tongue and shook his head, “Find a man who will marry you, Anna.”

“Sure. When you find a man who would take me and accept my daughter, let me know and I will sign the papers in a heartbeat,” Anna replied a bit haughtily.